Welcome to the Shit List. This is the first of a semi-regular series, in which I highlight those politicians, public figures, organisations, and groups whose actions smack of hypocrisy, dirty dealing, double standards, and/or general disregard for others in the community. The name is inspired by L7’s grunge anthem:
Let’s start with Senator Matt Canavan, lover of coal and intermittent embarrassment to the National Party.
This week, Victoria was hit by extremely high temperatures, high winds, lightning strikes, and storms. Electricity transmission towers collapsed due to convective downbursts, which in turn caused the coal-fired power plant at Loy Yang to trip, and take all four generators offline. Yallourn W, the other coal-fired plant, was operating at half capacity due to ongoing repair works trying to prop up its decaying infrastructure. In the scramble that followed, the state was forced to “load shed” (institute planned rolling black-outs in order to protect the network from damage or even wider loss of power). Wholesale electricity prices skyrocketed to a whopping $16,600 per megawatt hour – by comparison, Queensland’s price was $29.61. And nearly 100,000 people were left without power, forcing many businesses to close for the day.
It was pretty clear what happened. Our reliance on ageing infrastructure kept in service long after its use-by date, coupled with our inexcusable lack of large-scale investment into alternative energy sources, shut us down.
That didn’t stop Matt Canavan tweeting that same day:
He also posted this hilariously stupid statement:
People immediately pointed out to him the real circumstances of the blackout. Undeterred, Canavan doubled down on his insistence that the situation was due to a failure of “renewables”, even though he asserted that only 5% of Victoria’s energy generation came from renewable energy sources. Never one to let the facts get in the way of political points-scoring, he went on to castigate Chris Bowen, Federal Minister for Climate Change and Energy.
Victorian businesses were hard-hit by this power outage (and some are still without power as I write this). We were shown an unmistakable illustration of the dangers of our reliance on a single source of energy and our reluctance to climate-proof our transmission infrastructure, but none of that mattered to Matt Canavan. In blatant defiance of the facts, he chose to use the authority of his position as a Senator to lie about what happened and push his anti-renewable agenda. For that reason, he makes the Shit List.
Next up we have the Canberra Lake Dwellers. This is a tiny group of conspiracy theorists (also known as ‘cookers’) who have set up camp in a carpark at Black Mountain Peninsula near Lake Burley Griffin, across the water from the Governor-General’s residence. They’ve squatted there for (by their count) 739 days so far, after being forced to move from their initial camp right outside the Governor-General’s gates. Every morning, they trudge down the lakeside, wheeling their PA system and bearing the Red Ensign, Eureka, and Russian flags. Once there, they launch into their script. It starts with some cursory genuflection towards Australian soldiers killed in war, which is all very solemn. Once that scripted piece is over and done with, however, they let loose, and it’s all aimed at the Governor-General.
The festivities usually kick off with a vicious, screaming rant that perpetuates a cooker myth about a list naming 28 alleged, high public profile, paedophiles which has been suppressed by the government. Who is actually on this list varies from day to day, from a former Prime Minister to the Governor-General himself. The cookers demand that this list be released unredacted immediately. To emphasise the apparent urgency of this demand, they go into loud, offensive detail about exactly what these alleged paedophiles have done. It’s not unusual to hear them shouting about (forgive me, but this is the least of what they scream) “little babies being raped”. It’s all done in a self-righteous tone worthy of an American televangelist who denounces homosexuality while being a frequent flyer – or should I say, cruiser – at the local gay beat.
It shouldn’t have to be said that this list, of course, doesn’t exist.
When that’s over, they play a truly terrible rap song celebrating anti-vax cookers who defied lockdowns, and sing ‘Jesus loves the little children’, an old hymn long retired for its racist content. Their point made, they trudge back to the carpark and sit around in chairs congratulating themselves. Unless one of them is due in court that day for trespassing or harassment or unpaid fines, which happens more often than you’d think.
The group averages about 9 members, and in 739 days have managed to accomplish exactly nothing. So why are they on the Shit List? To start with, they seem to think they own the lakeshore. When locals try to walk their dogs, the cookers object to their “interference”. Their belligerence – along with the graphic nature of their rants – has caused many locals (particularly those with children) to begin avoiding the area entirely.
Then there’s the damage to the local area. They’ve cut the fence to give them a direct route from the carpark to the lakeshore. The trail they walk every morning has caused the native grasses to die off, and the earth around the lakeshore has become compacted. They insist on disrupting the possums of the area, who nest in boxes high up in the trees. Every day, at least one cooker climbs up and shines a light into the box, talking loudly while filming, and scares the hell out of the joeys. Most disgusting of all, they seem to regard the area as their personal toilet. One cooker even recently defended the group’s habit of defecating near the lakeshore as “good for the soil”. They literally deserve their place on the Shit List.
All this in the name of “freedom” and “the children”. It’s the single most ineffectual protest imaginable, and there is real harm being done by their presence. So why don’t the ACT police clear them out so that the area can recover and become a place for locals to visit again? Good question. Perhaps the person who made the decision to just wait them out should be on the List, too.
UPDATE: This morning (Sunday 18th of February), the cookers decided to widen their field of targets. They railed against – wait for it – local residents who use the area for “orienteering, cycling, and bloody rowing” (in the words of their most vicious speaker, Joanne). It seems they don’t like locals telling them off for the damage they’re causing, or making complaints about their aggressive attitude towards anyone who gets anywhere near them while they’re conducting their performative outrage. And that includes the boats that row past out on the lake.
The entitlement is real.
Finally, we have someone who I’m sure is going to be a regular visitor to the Shit List. Opposition Leader Peter Dutton.
I was spoilt for choice when it came to deciding which of his recent actions to feature, but in the end, the sheer hypocrisy of this one gave it the edge.
In November last year, the High Court ruled that an asylum seeker held in indefinite detention must be released – along with anyone else in a similar situation. The man in question had been convicted of sexually assaulting a child, and, understandably, the news of his release caused an uproar.
Dutton was right there in the vanguard thundering about the “Government’s failure” – as though Prime Minister Anthony Albanese had some kind of power to direct how the High Court makes its rulings. He leaned heavily on the idea that the presence of these former detainees in the community threw us all into imminent danger. To hear Dutton tell it, we were all about to be murdered in our beds. Now, to be sure, some of these detainees had been convicted of very serious offences, but here’s the one thing that Dutton always failed to mention – those detainees had already served their sentences.
The moral outrage caused the Government to rush through legislation to enforce reporting and monitoring of the detainees, and – apart from the occasional mention from Dutton when he was fresh out of new talking points – hard largely died down. That is, until we learned this week that, while Home Affairs Minister, Dutton had personally intervened to grant a visa to a person who not only failed the character test, but had also failed to submit police clearances, supplied only unconfirmed information about their marital status, and had “numerous offshore criminal convictions”. He described this as “a discretionary and humanitarian act”, in “the interest of Australia as a humane and generous society”.
We don’t know exactly what offences this person committed, but by any standards, their subsequent actions in applying for an extension of their visa (after previously failing three times) suggest that they were at the very least deliberately attempting to deceive immigration officials in order to stay in Australia. By Dutton’s avowed standards, they should have been immediately detained prior to deportation, and if a suitable destination country could not be found, they should have been kept in indefinite detention. Instead, the man who used his Ministerial power to help two of his mates get their au pairs into Australia against Border Security advice, decided to overrule his Department once again.
The hypocrisy of Dutton’s actions is staggering, but, sadly, it’s entirely in keeping with how the Opposition Leader has conducted himself throughout his political career. So, welcome to the Shit List, Peter. Get comfy – you’ll be here a while.
Over to you, dear readers. Do you have a nomination for the next Shit List? Let me know in the comments.
