Most of us grew up knowing that there were things you Just Don’t Talk About, especially not at the dinner table. We learned the art of small talk – asking only safe questions about trivial things – because no one wants their appetite ruined by conflict, uncomfortable truths, or the full-throated condemnation of hypocrisy and bigotry. That means don’t challenge your father when he makes some offhand racist comment and says “just joking”, don’t confront your mother with how her religion excuses all sorts of appalling behaviour, and above all, don’t get into an argument with your siblings about anything even remotely political. Be “civil”. Be “well-mannered”. Oh, and pass the salt, please.
Don’t talk about religion.
Don’t talk about politics.
Don’t talk about racism.
Don’t talk about sexism.
Don’t talk about sexuality.
Don’t talk about gender.
To be safe, just don’t talk about anything that’s truly important to you.
Bite your tongue and swallow your words because it’s more important not to hurt people’s feelings than to ask them to face the fact that the world we live in is, sometimes, a really shitty place. There’s a time and a place for these social taboo subjects.
Funny thing is, no one seems able to say exactly when or where that might be. We’re just taught to keep the peace at all costs, and after a while, it becomes a reflex – a reflex that is choking us all.
So let’s not be peaceful. Let’s not be polite. Let’s sit down to dinner, put our elbows on the table and eat with our fingers. Let’s argue passionately about something that matters more than how much rain we’ve had recently or that time when Auntie Janet accidentally dyed Uncle Joe’s cricket uniform pink. We’ll talk about politics and religion. We’ll call out bigotry and lies, and we’ll celebrate diversity. And not worry about upsetting the self-appointed guardians of civility, no matter whose side they claim to be on.
Let’s have some big talk for a change.
Welcome to my table. Ready for some impolite dinner conversation? First course is coming up, let’s begin.
